Advice to Jess

I was recently privileged to be asked for advice from a younger friend for three areas of her life:
1. not getting along with my brother,
2. doing my devotions with God, and
3. talking when it's not my turn to speak.
I share my response here in order to, first and foremost, demonstrate to all how good I am at giving advice. (Ask me anything. I'll change your life.) And secondly, to be able find these thoughts again, for myself, in my own struggles.

To the first, dear Jess, not getting along with your brother, I have to ask: what are you afraid of? I think my sisters often don't get along because they are afraid. One is afraid that the other will ask too much of her, and that by complying with the request (to change the channel, to borrow shoes, to spend time helping with a chore), the one will be left with less for herself. Of course, it's true at first, giving and helping another person can be difficult or exhausting, leaving us with less for ourselves. But loving Christ isn't about what we can hold back for ourselves. By the way, I struggle here, too. I often think my family is an exception to serving others: they'd be so much easier to love if they weren't related to me!

Regarding your second question, doing devotions with God, I have a brief testimony. In high school I was very regimented with my devotional times. I am glad I was so disciplined. I learned much, and I relied on that strength throughout the day, the week, etc. But it became a stumbling block for me. It became a measurement by which I would judge others. Oh Jess, there have to be at least 25 passages in the Bible talking about how wrong that mindset is.

One day, my mentor/counselor friends told me to stop doing devotions indefinitely. Just. Stop. Because my heart was not burdened for others and motivated by love, but I was burdened under an expectation for myself, and obligation to DO in the presence of God. Self-righteousness.

Ever since, I believe I have drawn nearer to the heart of God. I don't mean to say that disciplined and regular time with God each day is bad. It's a wonderful way to live in the light: the structure holds even when our emotions have taken a day off. But for me, the guild of not doing it, the guilt of missing a day was clearly showing me how my devotional time had become a law. And, well, the law is fulfilled in Christ's death. By knowing Him, accepting Him, we're free from that guilt. All that to say, for me, for a while, I had to forget "daily devotion" to remember Christ.

On to your third dilemma: speaking out of turn. I have very little to tell you here. In fact, I might just as well ask you for advice. This is one of my chief difficulties. But, and perhaps this recognition alone is helpful, I think I know why I always want to speak: again, I'm afraid. I'm afraid people will think I'm not following the conversation if I'm not contributing something, or that they'll forget I'm in the room. That is all just pride and fear working together to make me obnoxious. I hope you find your answer, and then share it with me!