Así Son las Cosas

Señor del universo,

Yo confío todo al cuidado tuyo. Si yo no te pueda confiar, ¿en quién puedo esperar? Ya me ha fallado mí misma. Fine. Take it all.

Voy a tomar el consejo que dí a una hermana esta semana: voy a contarte como me siento a tí. Si me siento que me has equivocado, y me debes a algo, voy a decirlo a tí. Pero, por ahora, sé que lo que me falta es la descansa. Aun todavía, mientras que yo no este bien, puedo descansarme en tus brazos.

Oh, to know!

My small group just returned from visiting a man in the hospital. He's well known around here, but I had never met him before tonight.

His wife is lit up from inside. She rubbed his back as she stood beside him, a smile on her face. The room was full with ten people, sitting and standing, all more or less at ease. Clearly, this was not everyone's first visit to a hospital. But even more apparent, they were visiting their close friend.

We tossed a balloon around, then a football. His motor skills were improving, though his speech was mostly garbled. His wife spoke to him directly when she failed to understand his meanings, "I'm sorry, sometimes I don't understand still. But I want to. You're making such a good effort!"

We prayed before leaving. An hour with ten people is long enough to exhaust some healthy people. We first prayed for him. Then for her. As we prayed for her, I noticed him nod his head, his heart in full agreement with the blessings we spoke over his wife: strength, peace. I don't know if anyone else saw, but I was honored to see what he couldn't say in words right now: how he loves loves loves the hands that held his foot, lighting rubbing his sock as we stood around him.

She told us that the last time he was speaking with fluency, the doctor had asked him how he was. "I'm praising the Lord," he said.

It must take a lot of time to become so lovely. It's a stretch for me to realize right now, that God loves me, this man, and his wife with the same love. I had a rare glimpse into the precious heart of suffering.

Hebrews 10:39

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."

So persevere. It's a matter of identity. We are the kind of people who believe and are saved. Just like runners first have to think of themselves as runners before completing a marathon, or an artist must call herself an artist before completing a masterpiece. We are perseverers. Holding out and fighting through is what we do.

Some Friends

My friend, Rogelio was taken into custody last week and is being held indefinitely for a court hearing. Yazmin and I tried unsuccessfully last week to visit him in prison. Today I saw him through that ridiculous glass as we spoke on the phones. The woman next to me was shouting so loudly at her boyfriend for stealing from her and doing crack, that I could hardly understand his dispossessed sorrowful words, "Es muy feo aqui. Muy feo. Se pelean por todo, por javon, por espacio, por nada. Pero yo he conocido a un dominicano que tiene una biblia. Leyemos juntos y oramos. Y regresamos a las camas. No tenemos mucho de comer." I taught him an English phrase, "this sucks." But he's had more time with the Lord this week than I have in perhaps the entire year...

I'm blessed by my neighbors. I had the most incredible conversation with Yazmin at Waffle House. For some reason, I couldn't communicate much of anything in Spanish today. But she didn't mind. We talked about her history. She told me how she left home at the age of 15 and married her husband-- no one from home knew for several months. He is eight years older than she, and they had some really rocky times in their relationship. She has always been honest with him, though. And she said often between 17 and 20 years old that she wanted to leave, that she didn't love him. But she had nowhere to go, and he did not force her to stay. But he lovingly talked her down when he could. When he couldn't talk her down, he waited.

It's been two years since she's spoken that way to him, especially not in front of her children. She became a Christian two weeks ago, and things have changed in her heart. She's been increasingly aware of how her negative talk about her situation has affected their children. I asked her if she loved Rudolfo. She said she thinks so. But she's not sure, even though she feels grateful to the Lord that he's a good man, and that they are good friends. She is confident that she will love him increasingly as she prays to love him.

My heart exalts in victory. A victory for my God. Praise the Lord.