Some Looking Back

This conversation took place during our last summer of still having conversations. We were both working on moving to Lancaster. Neither of us was sure where we would work or how we would subsist. We were low on cash, and discussed our situations frequently. Also, he and LBC had differing views on cursing.
A Conversation from July 21, 2008

10:18 PM Ken: [...]

  SPONTANEOUS!

  I found five dollars today while i was packing my books and throwing away trash

10:19 PM it was in an envelope from the President of LBC that I got when I graduated but never opened for some reason (hint: reason is that I would need it later)

 me: did the prez of LBC give all of the grads a $5?

 Ken: yes

  it comes with a form

  and a suggestion that you give it back to lbc

10:20 PM me: no

 Ken: and commit to giving five dollars every month

  hahaha

  no joke

  I don't feel even a little bad about this.

  It's GOD's money, right? And clearly he was saving it for my time of need. So LBC can shove it. hahahahhahaha

10:21 PM :P

 me: cuz God said so

 Ken: When I had my exit interview

  's'right

  they talked to me about donating as an alumnus

  and the guy doing the interview was actually (by chance, a bunch of different staff do the exits) the VP of Financial Affairs

10:22 PM and he started it with "Idk what God has in store for you. You know? You could be a millionaire--"

  And I started laughing pretty hard

  and then I said, "I promise, if God makes me a millionaire, I'll give some money back to LBC."

  hahaha

10:23 PM me: lol

 Ken: (Image of myself making out a 100 dollar check and writing something smart in the Memo line."

  )

 me: what would you write? c'mon on now

  my choice would be "because I am now a millionaire"

10:24 PM Ken: "As promised; Hope you don't mind this money from a dirty fucker."

  tell me not to write cusses!

  lol

  you know they'd still cash it, too

  hahaha

10:25 PM me: well, they might mumble something about the money of the rich being stored up for the poor...

  *money of the wicked

 Ken: same diff

  haha

  they might mumble

  but they'd mumble in line at the bank

10:26 PM Nick is convinced they are funded by the CIA

  (LBC)

 [...]

10:30 PM Ken: I know that the VP of Financial Affairs actually told me (when he was asking me to give) that for "some reason" LBC is one of the few colleges that isn't mostly supported financially by their alumni, b/c LBC alumni give a "shockingly" little amount to the college

 me: God works in mysterious ways...

 Ken: So does the CIA!

 me: lol

  i gotta go

 Ken: k

  have fun tomorrow

  don't get too lost

 me: thanks, sorry you can't come!

 Ken: it's okay

 me: i'll try hard not ot

  *to

 Ken: call my house if you get lost and need directions

  Cause I don't work until 5, I'll be packing

 me: expect a call

10:31 PM Ken: haha, okay

  bye!

 me: i'm serious

  cya!

 Ken: okay

  haha

I Doubt It

When I got back from London,
you gently demanded (how could you do that?)
a get-together.
We would decide what to do
when you got here.

You picked me up.
Sunroof open, sun in our hair,
We went to the park.

[My park. My favorite park.
How did you know? Did I ever tell you?
You never forgot a single thing I said.]

"I was thinking we could go fly kites," you said
As you pointed to two kites in your backseat.

[How odd, I had just been thinking about kites, I remember.
Did you know? Did I ever tell you?]

We ran about wildly inexperienced, getting our kites in the air.
Up they flew. Up. Bright. Sun in our hair, on our faces!
I was so relieved
That you had no confessions,
And I no heartbreaks
To share today.

I entangled my kitestring with yours and tried to pull it down.
You smiled and laughed, not to be bothered.
I loved you for it.

[Did you know? Did I ever tell you?]

Favorite Things

I have a notebook that Adriane gave me three years ago. I started to write things in it that make me happy in February of 2009. Here's the first installment of 90:

• a sunrise in the desert
• a sunrise over snow
• a sunrise in the mountains
• a sunrise
• down comforters
• embarrassing moments that become funny stories
• watching a movie
• changing routes all of a sudden
• clean sheets
• coming into an attic that is warm
• rearranging furniture
• sending letters 
• getting letters
• making lists
• running faster

feeling better after feeling sick
peanut soup (Lachelle's version)
Schnapps
praying with an old friend
taking the bus
those moments right before falling asleep
freshly-brushed teeth
just-shaven legs
new jewelry
used bookstores
friend requests on Facebook
fields of daffodils
S.I.S. sisterhood
sauteing garlic and onions
ice cream

• comments on papers (in red pen)
• Jane Austen
• Robert Frost
• Langston Hughes
• Valentine's Day
• Ogden Nash
• sleeping until 8:30am
• coffee 
• canoli
• Campus Deli honey mustard
• fresh green mango with hot sauce and salt
• popcorn
• baking
• striking up a conversation
• making a joke only you get

making a joke everyone gets
hearing a joke
any joke
bathroom breaks
tea breaks
just calling to say "hi"
spring break
winter break
summer break
school time
weddings
road trips in the summer time
a hare-brained idea that becomes reality
a surprise Valentine
old, comfy jeans

• new shoes
• old, comfy shoes
• new jeans
• having a crush
• flirting
• praying in quiet
• praying in loud
• when someone remembers your birthday
• orange and pink
• tassles
• sweaters
• Chapstick
• honeysuckle perfume
• women's suffrage
• exact change

putting on makeup
Google desktop with the notes and the world clock
finishing a classic
understanding what Plato is talking about

driving to see my brother and dad

stopping at Sheetz

horses and buggies

foreign accents

local accents

saying "ya'll" on purpose

maps

killing a bug with your notebook in the middle of class to everyone's surprise

being read to aloud

reading aloud

memorizing poetry
 

Humility Born of Struggles: November

I have been holding my head above water. Although the coming of cold often chills my bones, even my heart, this November has left me no time to think of it. I feel more alive than ever. Sometimes, I have as much sunshine in my heart as mid-summer at Black Rock. It is a secret how the sun shines within me, when outwardly the world seems to have gone grey. I feel as though I have been called to rise to the occasion. I have a deep joy in doing so.

A few instances this month have crashed over my head, leaving me sputtering, speechless, and grateful for air. The biggest instance I don't feel free to write about, but here are a few much smaller ones.

• An email from a community member saying my floor's bathroom was not clean. It wasn't. Keeping the students accountable for cleaning has been one of my greatest struggles of the dorm. Many of the students have never been responsible for cleaning in their homes. Moms and maids take care of the cleaning. School is pressing; they don't think about the cleaning until I hound them. No wonder moms become known for nagging. Sure, you can give up the fight and clean it yourself. Total number of people that is helping: 0.

• A parent-teacher conference in which I had to acknowledge to the parents that I was not expecting enough of their son. I was making too many accommodations for his particular disabilities.

• A conversation with another teacher where I had to begin with an apology for being rude. She said she had just been on her way to see me. We sat down and she started by apologizing, telling me that she had been praying for me; she knew how difficult my job was, and the hardship of the first year of teaching. I set my part right, too. We prayed together.

• Many ungraded research papers. It's been three weeks.

More Stories From Real Life

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon and evening in the dorm office. So the weekends go. I bring my grading with hopes of getting it done while accomplishing a long stint in the office.
The afternoon went beautifully. But I found myself getting a little punchy by 8pm.

A Portrait of 8-10pm, in three parts

Part I:  Sitting Next to the Wireless Router

Rika comes in. Her back hurts often. We talk about what kind of treatment she might need to look into this week. Rika remains, pretending to study vocabulary for the SATs, but really just talking to me (better practice, anyway, we all agree).

Sherrie enters the office. She begins to speak in Chinese to someone on the other end of her computer.

Hue comes in and sits next to Sherrie. They are best friends. They do not speak to each other now, each plugged in to their respective devices. Sherrie's volume always rising; Hue never making a sound.

Gow (a squat 15-year-old from China, an incredible pianist, the sweetest and funniest of all the students) comes in with his computer. He asks me whether I can't make his computer play all for a list of illegally downloaded video clips. It's all in Chinese, except a few command buttons. I say "no," I can't help. I couldn't help if it were all in English.

Rika leaves, called away to something. Gow sits at the desk near me, occasionally asking me questions about movies I like. Slowly, I realize that the smell I have been hardly noticing is emanating from this boy. He is edging ever closer, refusing to raise his voice as Sherrie's conversation grows louder and I keep asking him to repeat himself.

Sherrie gets excited sometimes. Gow looks behind, furtively annoyed with Sherrie. I tell her to take her talking elsewhere. She leaves. Gow takes her seat and hunches over his computer.

Part II: Still Sitting Next to the Wireless Router

Andy has been pacing around the downstairs with John and Wu (all Chinese guys). I am speaking with a student when Andy hands me his phone, "I can't understand," he says with his Brit-Chinese accent. I take the phone, "hello?" I hear something garbled "...food."

"I'm sorry? Who is this?"

"Chinese food." The voice is muffled, and has a deep, not-Chinese accent. Could it be Mexican? Seriously? I look at John and Wu.

"Are you guys ordering Chinese food?" They nod enthusiastically with big smiles that could be suspicious or merely indicative of their fondness for Chinese food. I look to Andy: he is laughing with Rika. Is this a joke? "What are you ordering?"

"Duck. Lo Mein..." John replies. They cannot remember their order.

"I'm sorry," I hang up and hand the phone to Andy. I expect him to tell me it was a joke. Hah. Hilarious.

"What did he say?" Andy asks.

"I don't know. I couldn't understand him," I reply.

"Is he here yet?" We exchange the most perplexed looks with one another. Rika is from then on the intermediary between the British-Chinese-accented Andy and the American-Mexican Chinese food delivery man.

Part III: Still Sitting Next to the Friggin' Wireless Router

The snow has stopped outside and I hear the scraping of a shovel. Herb has come to clear the treacherous steps. I go out, sensing a responsibility. "Hi Herb. I looked for a shovel... the dorm's responsibility... of course. In the future... (oops). Thanks, Herb."

"Turn down the show, girls." I return to the office. I pick up a research paper to grade. Where is the works cited, for crying out loud? This is draft two!

What is that smell? Oh, Gow.

"I am locked out of my room," Yan says.

"Here's your room's key, return it when you're done." Maybe I'll catch up on online Scrabble for a minute.

Aw, the internet is down. No problem, I'll go back to the research papers. Only 21 to go.

Sherrie, sitting just outside the office door, pokes her head around the doorframe, "Excuse me, Carolyn, the internet is not working." Fine. I restart the router. A minute passes. Still no internet.

Gow asks, "Can you access the internet settings on your computer?"

"No."

From a distance, Lia shouts, "Sherrie, could you ask Caroline to restart the router?"

I'm annoyed. That's not my name. I've already restarted the router. Find something to do that doesn't require the internet or complaining to me about the internet.

A few minutes pass. Gow speaks up again, "Can you access the internet settings from your computer?"

"No," I snap, "I already told you that." He sinks his head.

A few minutes pass in which I look at page two of a research paper about the history and importance of numbers. I have written nothing on it.

Students are coming out of their internet stupor. They are making interactive sounds. They are thinking of ways to amuse themselves that don't involve the internet. With only 25 minutes until curfew, I could have awake, alert 16-year-olds coming into the office to talk to me, to ask for food, to ask if we can have a snowball fight. This night is going downhill fast. With some guilt, I text Chad to take a look at the internet. He comes out of his apartment. He moves a wire or two. We have internet. Things quiet down. I give up on the papers. I play Scrabble. It's nice to have the internet.

New Spellings

of my last name:

Makalubs

McKlapus

McKalubs

CaryLin

Ms. Kalips

Mrs. Carolyn

Ms. Makalup

Miss. Klips

Miss. Catlips

Miss. Cowlips

Miss. Kay-lips

Miss McKaliaps

I'm serious.

Stories from Real Life

Last night, Ben and I asked Hunchao if he was planning to go to Hershey Park with everyone else. He responded, "I don't maybe want to go because I am afraid of the holocaust." He made motions with his hand.

"You mean, 'roller coaster.'"

Panyeng is one of the burliest guys in the dorm. He's easygoing, but he's big, and he has an imposing scar on the right side of his face. Judging by looks only, he is one with whom you would hate to cross paths in a dark alley. That is why it was extra funny when he fell asleep tonight in study hall. He was in front of a computer, and unresponsive to his name. I did a quick search for puppy images, and left an especially fluffy one on his screen for when he awoke.