Two Months' Recapitulation

I've been recalibrating my sleep schedule,  my eating schedule, my day-to-day life. Here is a small timeline of the summer, starting with my return to the U.S.

June 30: Back in the U.S.
July 2: Acquired a phone. (This is a long story of Sprint and the horror that is all U.S. mobile networks. Not a fan.)
July 1-9:  Borrowed cars, driving to various family gatherings.
July 10: Was officially hired at a private Mennonite school, mere minutes before losing cell phone reception for a week of camping. (Wow. What a great fit. What a great story of God working things out and me circling through frustration, cluelessness, grief, and trust. Maybe I'll write it here someday, but probably not.)
July 10-18: Camped at Wild Goose Festival in North Carolina with Jake; visited his sister in Tennessee.
July 19-31: Drove back and forth from Baltimore in yet more borrowed cars; slept at Plum Street in borrowed beds while my friends rotated in and out on vacation. This was the hardest part of the summer. I had a ton of errands to do to build a sustainable life. Meanwhile, I was searching for a car I could own, and rather uncertain as to where I would find to live for the year.
August 1: Bought a Honda Civic at Carmax. Couldn't sleep.
August 2: Returned the car to Carmax.
August 3: Bought a different Honda Civic from a different place for 1/4 of the Carmax price.
August 1-11: Stayed at Dale and Kendra's house while they were on a cruise; cared for Kendra's rabbits.
August 11-12: Visited my niece and nephew. They're so tall, bright, interesting.
August 13-15: Moved in to Plum Street
August 16-30: Work began. I was so far behind in doing all the putzing around a classroom that it takes to get a schoolyear organized. I'm still doing those things: deciding on how to grade, deciding on early units, deciding on policies, decorating, laminating, buying necessary school supplies. On a weekend in there, I coordinated Krystle's wedding day.

I have been finding footing, figuring out how to do all the normal things in new ways with very little continuity or routine to reward me. There has to be a better word than "busy."

It must be said that almost none of these things was done without help and support. The first draft of this post had each person's name and what they did for me this summer. But I hesitate to post it, because I know you did the things with no expectation of praise in this life. I think you did it because you love God and because you love me, and I will not hear differently. I'm so, so grateful. I will list some of the names, though, because I feel I must for my own sake:

Jake, Dan, Mom, Coley, Bethany, Elizabeth, Sarah, Carmen, Kendra, Dale, Christine, Luke G., Sara G., MJ, Leah, Krystle, Monica, Chadwick, Cathy S. Thank you.

How Mt. Toubkal Happened and With Whom

It started as Katie suggesting that they climb a mountain and I overheard. She invited me with vigor: "come, climb Toubkal with us!"

"I will!" So in mid-January I wrote it into my calendar for June.

By May it was time to start taking the invitation seriously, because plans had to be made. It just so happened that I was in conversation with a fascinating fellow around that time, and it made a lot of sense to invite him to hike the highest mountain in North Africa. So he came to Morocco, saw my school, saw me finishing out my job for the year, helped me to grade finals; he wore the same clothes for two days because his luggage was lost; met all my people at school; then navigated our way to Imlil on a Friday in June.

We drove from sea level to 5,700 feet elevation, then climbed six hours to the refuge which rested at 10,500 feet. The next day we ascended the mountain, climbing an additional 3,000 feet. Those 3,000 feet to the top were ridiculous. Loose scree made me want to hurry to get away from the rough sliding near ledges of rock. But hurrying without skill is a bad idea. Regardless of rough earth, the higher we climbed, the harder the hike became due to altitude. I became discouraged. It wasn't schadenfreude that made me glad when I saw my friend, the ever-athletic Danielle, was also having difficulty—it was grace that helped me not to feel incapable.

I required stopping every two minutes so I could rest and breathe. The problem with resting every two minutes is that you never gain momentum. Another problem is that a mere 100 meters from the summit means we were hiking rather closer to the mountain's edge than I would like. I had to confess that the panic wasn't all altitude, but the fact that I'm afraid of heights. Jake kept a steady stream of travel stories flowing after hearing that, proving himself to be a hero many times over. He also saved at least three people from severe dehydration, but that breaks the timeline.

Summitting was worth it. Of course it was worth it. Who holds their baby and says, "meh"? But who holds their baby and says, "time to plan another one!"? We still had to get down the mountain.

Ya'll. What you will read on most blogs is that it takes an hour and a half to descend to the refuge. It took us three hours. We had knee issues, toe issues, me-being-slow issues. But what hearts! To recall it nearly brings me to tears how sweet and patient each one was with the other. All ten of us ascended and descended, and it took all day.

What an incredible shower (in the dark, another story, perhaps) I enjoyed when we jogged up the steps of the refuge.

The next day, Stacey of the pained-knees found a mule to take her back to Imlil, and for Jake and me it was another six hours of hiking: four extremely pleasant, and two in which the world's biggest big-toe blister had begun to cry out for attention. She earned a name and has a story all her own, too. I suppose mountain stories are the archetype of the anticlimax. We made it. The end.

BONUS STORY!

Arriving at Imlil was still not home, as  you know, and Stacey, Jake and I drove four more hours to Casa where we thought we would order in and feast (we did not) and all have a good night's sleep.

Alas for the latter! I awoke with a painful toothache and the next morning found Jake and me in a dentist's office awaiting an emergency root canal. And that about sums up our first set of dates.

How I Felt a Few Days After Returning From Morocco

I feel like I'm on the outside of the world looking in while I am unemployed.

I focus on the right now question. What is happening right now? The chicken is baking. The piano is silent. The house is full of expensive, cold air that insulates me from the summer I can see and hear out the windows, though it is all muffled by this air conditioning. The air is so conditioned that it conditions me.

The kitchen smells like onions and lime, waiting for the chicken to be finished. I salivate: when did I last eat a meal? Where have I been the last few days and weeks?

I have never traveled this far before, and I feel lost.

Right Now, Right Now

Over the last six months, I have had the opportunity to imagine and re-imagine what this time next year will look like. I feel...

Butterflies in my stomach!

What an incredible chance I have! To start a completely new thing! To see my friends and family! To date not-very-long-distance!

Tightness in my chest. 

What a lot I have to decide. Living in the US is complicated and everything needs insurance. The job search was a painful process. The car search is complicated. The house search is pretty much over?

To avoid serious anxiety, Stacey sent me an article asking one question: what is happening right now? The idea is to take in your surroundings and acknowledge that you're not under threat (thank God!).

Right now the car tires zing the rainy streets. Right now the air conditioning hums. Right now I have had enough food, enough coffee, enough affection, enough time alone, and enough time in conversation. Right now I bask in a few finished chores. Right now my body does not hurt. Right now I am in grace. Thank you, God.

Whom Should We Serve First?

In LeRoy and Ania's house, they have a meal tradition. Ania is a very good cook, and it's my understanding that she does it often. Then all gather for the meal. After saying or singing grace, LeRoy serves the main dish.
"Sarah," he asks one of their daughters, "Who do you think should be served first?"
"Mama," she grins.
"Good," and he serves Ania. "And Sarah, who should we serve next?"
"The guest!" And he serves me.
"Naomi," LeRoy asks their quieter daughter, "Who should we serve next?"
"Sarah," Naomi responds.
"And Sarah," LeRoy turns, "who do you think we should serve next?"
"Naomi," Sarah responds. So LeRoy serves Naomi, then Sarah, and finally himself.

Emails With Kendra About Trusting God

November 15, 2017

Me: 

[...] What will I do in eight months when I get off the plane from Morocco? I basically need to step into a job right away, and I cannot yet imagine what that will look like. And rightfully so, because it's maybe too soon for me to have the next step lined up. Would you pray with me about having peace despite not knowing? Would you pray that I would know which of the many adventures to choose, in good time? 
It's like the light shines just steps ahead of all of us, for us to walk at full speed always straight into the darkness, illuminating it as we go. May God have glory in all our lives! 
Ugh. Please... don't tell me I should fast. I know you're gonna tell me I should fast. Okay. Okay. 
Thank you for reading this. I'll pray for you, too.  

Love,  

Carolyn 

P.S. If you don't let me know how to pray for you, I'll just pray that God would "bless" you with a litter of kittens at your back door some morning. So, this is like a cosmic chain letter, and for most of you, that is a threat.

K.G.: 

Lol.You know the "threat" goes both ways as we pray for Him lighting the path just enough so you know He's there, but not enough to have a clue where you're going neither with your [...] relationship or future who what when and where after Morocco. I mean, we don't even know what tomorrow will bring. So it can be threatening to free Jesus to release His best for us. 
I am excited to pray ”threatening" prayers that free Him to bring you to places you never could have dreamed. Heck, you've already been to a lot of these places. Hard ones. Lovely ones.
I love you, Sweetness Seasoned with a Bit of Tart. Pure sweet is sickening. Your tart makes you special to me.

May 12, 2018

Me:

Thank you for your emails and for praying for me in the fall. I've had a little bit of heartache since that email asking you to pray for clarity. Clarity came. [...]
Now, in the time of searching for jobs and wrapping up my work [...] I'm trying to push aside all my concerns about money! I have a lot of options for temporary living spaces, and no job offers yet.[...] I am praying not to miss the boat by being lazy, to keep doing my work diligently. That's always been a tough call: when is the work enough, and you can just trust? Is this terrible theology? 
[...]
Thank you for praying for me and loving me from a distance. I think of you often. 
Love, 

Carolyn

K.G.:

I feel that I have to resend my last response to your previous transparent sharing.
You are so right with the push pull action of faith-listening, and action. I'll just say it is a lot easier to turn a massive ship while it is in motion.
With a sense of excitement about where our Jesus is moving you next, you can open doors by applying for jobs, etc., but retain the listening ear. Carefully balance action and trust. Neither one without the other. Faith only, sitting there, expecting God to drop things in your lap is ok at times and with some people. But faithFULL
listening is mind-blowing, faith-building relationship. I speak of relationship as a verb, less of a noun.
You are so very beloved.
A visible, towering sunflower, lightening our world, bringing sunny times into my life.
Mwah!
Huggle!

Qualifications

I have been filling out applications for teaching, then, per their request, attaching a resume that says  everything in the application.

I keep it professional for the most part, but in one particularly detailed application today, I was nearly to the final step when the form gave me an opening with some question like, "Is there anything else we should consider in the hiring process that this form has failed to ask about?"

There are so many other talents. Where do I even begin? I can do a plethora of things as a result of my former, less relevant job experience.

I can...

• stuff a cannoli
• crack two eggs at once
• haggle for a rug in a souk
• wrap gifts very neatly, including curling the ribbon
• count letters in words very quickly
• count money in a cash drawer or a safe very quickly
• alphabetize all the letters in a word (e.g. Carolyn --> aclnory)
• say words backwards
• drive stick shift
• backfloat very well
• pick out glasses that look great on your face
• call your insurance company about your benefits
• follow you around a corn maze if I think you're drunk
• spin cotton candy
• fry Oreos
• whip up pancake batter
• lead any of several get-to-know-you games
• clean a bathroom in 35 seconds or less
• sense when someone is talking about me in another language
• curse in Mandarin, Arabic, French, and Spanish
• tell you where any item belongs in the Waynesboro Kmart in summer 2007
• recite all verses of the "Found a Peanut" song, including alternate endings
• make a lox and cream cheese bagel to die for
• make an espresso using a standard machine
• memorize specials

And cats like me.