Broken Hearts Week

The year 2018 began with an inauspicious string of break-ups in my social circles. One after the other, one involving my heart, too, left me even more skeptical of love and commitment. I labeled it "Broken Hearts Week" on my digital calendar, and left it to repeat annually, hoping that one year would show a turned tide.

Without naming names, always my challenge here, I will express what I know to be true about the changed situations.

B. met an acquaintance a month after Broken Hearts Week, and they got married in November.

S. still wonders about the person she was so into, and why it never went further. Another relationship rose out of many doubts, then faltered in Broken Hearts Week.

R. has hope. The deep kind of hope that God pours into us, not merely the hope in a romantic interest.

M. and S. are getting a divorce.

H. and M., who had been dating for a few months, have parted ways forever, and M. is now engaged to a wonderful person. H. is off in another country pursuing a certification that is one step closer to her dream.

And I. I am learning about how to love as action, and how to put imperfect trust in a person who is imperfect like I am. I'm learning that relationships can be filled with laughter and growth.

Emails With Kendra About Trusting God

November 15, 2017

Me: 

[...] What will I do in eight months when I get off the plane from Morocco? I basically need to step into a job right away, and I cannot yet imagine what that will look like. And rightfully so, because it's maybe too soon for me to have the next step lined up. Would you pray with me about having peace despite not knowing? Would you pray that I would know which of the many adventures to choose, in good time? 
It's like the light shines just steps ahead of all of us, for us to walk at full speed always straight into the darkness, illuminating it as we go. May God have glory in all our lives! 
Ugh. Please... don't tell me I should fast. I know you're gonna tell me I should fast. Okay. Okay. 
Thank you for reading this. I'll pray for you, too.  

Love,  

Carolyn 

P.S. If you don't let me know how to pray for you, I'll just pray that God would "bless" you with a litter of kittens at your back door some morning. So, this is like a cosmic chain letter, and for most of you, that is a threat.

K.G.: 

Lol.You know the "threat" goes both ways as we pray for Him lighting the path just enough so you know He's there, but not enough to have a clue where you're going neither with your [...] relationship or future who what when and where after Morocco. I mean, we don't even know what tomorrow will bring. So it can be threatening to free Jesus to release His best for us. 
I am excited to pray ”threatening" prayers that free Him to bring you to places you never could have dreamed. Heck, you've already been to a lot of these places. Hard ones. Lovely ones.
I love you, Sweetness Seasoned with a Bit of Tart. Pure sweet is sickening. Your tart makes you special to me.

May 12, 2018

Me:

Thank you for your emails and for praying for me in the fall. I've had a little bit of heartache since that email asking you to pray for clarity. Clarity came. [...]
Now, in the time of searching for jobs and wrapping up my work [...] I'm trying to push aside all my concerns about money! I have a lot of options for temporary living spaces, and no job offers yet.[...] I am praying not to miss the boat by being lazy, to keep doing my work diligently. That's always been a tough call: when is the work enough, and you can just trust? Is this terrible theology? 
[...]
Thank you for praying for me and loving me from a distance. I think of you often. 
Love, 

Carolyn

K.G.:

I feel that I have to resend my last response to your previous transparent sharing.
You are so right with the push pull action of faith-listening, and action. I'll just say it is a lot easier to turn a massive ship while it is in motion.
With a sense of excitement about where our Jesus is moving you next, you can open doors by applying for jobs, etc., but retain the listening ear. Carefully balance action and trust. Neither one without the other. Faith only, sitting there, expecting God to drop things in your lap is ok at times and with some people. But faithFULL
listening is mind-blowing, faith-building relationship. I speak of relationship as a verb, less of a noun.
You are so very beloved.
A visible, towering sunflower, lightening our world, bringing sunny times into my life.
Mwah!
Huggle!