The year 2018 began with an inauspicious string of break-ups in my social circles. One after the other, one involving my heart, too, left me even more skeptical of love and commitment. I labeled it "Broken Hearts Week" on my digital calendar, and left it to repeat annually, hoping that one year would show a turned tide.
Without naming names, always my challenge here, I will express what I know to be true about the changed situations.
B. met an acquaintance a month after Broken Hearts Week, and they got married in November.
S. still wonders about the person she was so into, and why it never went further. Another relationship rose out of many doubts, then faltered in Broken Hearts Week.
R. has hope. The deep kind of hope that God pours into us, not merely the hope in a romantic interest.
M. and S. are getting a divorce.
H. and M., who had been dating for a few months, have parted ways forever, and M. is now engaged to a wonderful person. H. is off in another country pursuing a certification that is one step closer to her dream.
And I. I am learning about how to love as action, and how to put imperfect trust in a person who is imperfect like I am. I'm learning that relationships can be filled with laughter and growth.
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Monday, February 11, 2019
Sunday, December 3, 2017
November Dedications
Wednesday, 1
Today is dedicated to having enough.
Thursday, 2
Today is dedicated to Thor and the refugee Asgardians.
Friday, 3
Today is dedicated to that group of women who prays for me and laughs at my jokes. I thank my God every time I remember you.
Saturday, 4
Today is dedicated to the Enneagram.
Sunday, 5
Today is dedicated to Hay Hassani's thrift clothes. You are so reasonably priced. Thank you.
Monday, 6
Today is dedicated to Monica, who sees the Kingdom of God.
Tuesday, 7
Today is dedicated to the Apostle Paul, who preserved the Gospel from extra conditions.
Wednesday, 8
Today is dedicated to every bank everywhere that actually does their job. So, that would exclude my bank in Morocco, just to be clear.
Thursday, 9
Today is dedicated to Tyler, who sympathized with me at odd hours while I was grading instead of sleeping.
Friday, 10
Today is dedicated to "The Crucible" movie, which saved me from actually teaching.
Saturday, 11
Today is dedicated to the book Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson
Sunday, 12
Today is dedicated to the taxi driver who spoke beautiful French, and encouraged me to keep learning.
Monday, 13
Today is dedicated to this carpet next to me. It witnessed my attempts to create two unit plans in one hour, and it remained beautiful.
Tuesday, 14
Today is dedicated to the parents of my students. Thank you for trusting me so much.
Wednesday, 15
Today is dedicated to the English department. During high-grading weeks, I sometimes feel like we go through war together... separately.
Thursday, 16
Today is dedicated to the "Time Until" app. Five days.
Friday, 17
Today is dedicated to naps. Naps on the way to work. Naps on buses. Naps on couches. Naps that save first my life, and others by extension.
Saturday, 18
Today is dedicated to Amicitia American School, Fes, who knows how to host graciously.
Sunday, 19
Today is dedicated to Luke D., who made me laugh until I cried.
Monday, 20
Today is dedicated to the substitute who will have the joy or sorrow of my classes tomorrow.
Tuesday, 21
Today is dedicated to Tyler, who flew across an ocean to hang out for a few days.
Wednesday, 22
Today is dedicated to couches, windows, and sunshine, and anywhere the three meet.
Thursday, 23
Today is dedicated to you, Lord, who graciously gives us good things.
Friday, 24
Today is dedicated to a pair of cat earrings; to my brother and sister-in-law; to Tyler; and to the little girl selling tissues next to the train station.
Saturday, 25
Today is dedicated to "Stranger Things" and leftovers.
Sunday, 26
Today is dedicated to comings and goings; may God watch over them all.
Monday, 27
Today is dedicated to the working printers.
Tuesday, 28
Today is dedicated to sentence diagramming; I wish I had known how fun you were when I was in seventh grade, myself!
Wednesday, 29
Today is dedicated to G period. I look older because of you. But I love you, and will keep forgiving you right before class, at 1:40 PM every weekday, and right after class, at 2:30 PM every weekday.
Thursday, 30
Today is dedicated to Shanti and Nissa, who listened without judgment, and kept my phone through the night.
Today is dedicated to having enough.
Thursday, 2
Today is dedicated to Thor and the refugee Asgardians.
Friday, 3
Today is dedicated to that group of women who prays for me and laughs at my jokes. I thank my God every time I remember you.
Saturday, 4
Today is dedicated to the Enneagram.
Sunday, 5
Today is dedicated to Hay Hassani's thrift clothes. You are so reasonably priced. Thank you.
Monday, 6
Today is dedicated to Monica, who sees the Kingdom of God.
Tuesday, 7
Today is dedicated to the Apostle Paul, who preserved the Gospel from extra conditions.
Wednesday, 8
Today is dedicated to every bank everywhere that actually does their job. So, that would exclude my bank in Morocco, just to be clear.
Thursday, 9
Today is dedicated to Tyler, who sympathized with me at odd hours while I was grading instead of sleeping.
Friday, 10
Today is dedicated to "The Crucible" movie, which saved me from actually teaching.
Saturday, 11
Today is dedicated to the book Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson
Sunday, 12
Today is dedicated to the taxi driver who spoke beautiful French, and encouraged me to keep learning.
Monday, 13
Today is dedicated to this carpet next to me. It witnessed my attempts to create two unit plans in one hour, and it remained beautiful.
Tuesday, 14
Today is dedicated to the parents of my students. Thank you for trusting me so much.
Wednesday, 15
Today is dedicated to the English department. During high-grading weeks, I sometimes feel like we go through war together... separately.
Thursday, 16
Today is dedicated to the "Time Until" app. Five days.
Friday, 17
Today is dedicated to naps. Naps on the way to work. Naps on buses. Naps on couches. Naps that save first my life, and others by extension.
Saturday, 18
Today is dedicated to Amicitia American School, Fes, who knows how to host graciously.
Sunday, 19
Today is dedicated to Luke D., who made me laugh until I cried.
Monday, 20
Today is dedicated to the substitute who will have the joy or sorrow of my classes tomorrow.
Tuesday, 21
Today is dedicated to Tyler, who flew across an ocean to hang out for a few days.
Wednesday, 22
Today is dedicated to couches, windows, and sunshine, and anywhere the three meet.
Thursday, 23
Today is dedicated to you, Lord, who graciously gives us good things.
Friday, 24
Today is dedicated to a pair of cat earrings; to my brother and sister-in-law; to Tyler; and to the little girl selling tissues next to the train station.
Saturday, 25
Today is dedicated to "Stranger Things" and leftovers.
Sunday, 26
Today is dedicated to comings and goings; may God watch over them all.
Monday, 27
Today is dedicated to the working printers.
Tuesday, 28
Today is dedicated to sentence diagramming; I wish I had known how fun you were when I was in seventh grade, myself!
Wednesday, 29
Today is dedicated to G period. I look older because of you. But I love you, and will keep forgiving you right before class, at 1:40 PM every weekday, and right after class, at 2:30 PM every weekday.
Thursday, 30
Today is dedicated to Shanti and Nissa, who listened without judgment, and kept my phone through the night.
Monday, October 2, 2017
Anxiety, Headache, Prayer
Two weeks ago, I had a persistent sinus headache.
The worst thing about not feeling well is that it seems you have to face your pain while facing your anxiety about the future. Fear of the next few days, even the next few years, can plague me, hitting me when I'm down. On Thursday, as I was walking in sunlight that felt too bright for my sensitive eyes, I started to cry out to God in my inner whine. It slowly began to match my walking rhythm. It became this mantra.
The worst thing about not feeling well is that it seems you have to face your pain while facing your anxiety about the future. Fear of the next few days, even the next few years, can plague me, hitting me when I'm down. On Thursday, as I was walking in sunlight that felt too bright for my sensitive eyes, I started to cry out to God in my inner whine. It slowly began to match my walking rhythm. It became this mantra.
Thank you for this moment.
Thank you for my pounding head.
Thank you for the Beauty.
Thank you for what happens next.
I will not waste this moment by wishing it away just because I have a headache. There is beauty somewhere in it. And whatever happens next, God is still God there, too.
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