I promise you, I get a few messages daily on a free dating website which shall not be named, which read, "Hey, how are you?" Ask. Good. Questions.
I can think of several reasons why a person might be on a dating website: everything from looking for a spouse, to networking, to... other things. I get it. But the point is to nurture a deeper relationship. So ask good questions.
That's why I'm past anger and on to puzzling: why would someone's first contact with you or me be simply, "Hey, how are you?"? In my culture, I walk down the street and get that question, and I'm justified in ignoring it. I may not even look at the asker, depending on the time of day. I mean, we're passing each other and you ask, "How's it goin'?" and I'm still walking in the opposite direction. I may nod. I may not nod. This is not a conversation. You don't know me, and aren't asking to. Ask good questions. Really wonder, and then ask.
When you're on a dating website, you have the chance to look at a lot of information about a person that would usually take an entire first date or more to find out. You get a serious advantage this way! It's like eliminating the risk of a terrible first date! Ask good questions. Read the whole profile, then ask good questions.
I hope we all know how lovely it is to be asked a sincere, open, specific question, then to be listened to. The same guy who messages me, "Hey, how are you?" has a profile that consists of the following Self Summary:
I hate writing these things. Anything you want to know, just ask.
No. NO. No and no. Your readers know intuitively that you're not being fair: you want the reader to do all the work of relationship, based on, what, your profile picture? Your reader doesn't owe you anything. This isn't the space for your nonchalance, even if you are James Dean.
With a summary like that, you've just set yourself apart from people who think at least occasionally, who are respecting their reader, and who have an idea of what their lives are about, or at least a candid self-awareness that they haven't got a clue, but are still willing to put in the time to say so.
Ask good questions. And if you really want to set yourself apart, be ready to listen for the answer.
