When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
I found all of these here:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/george_carlin.html
From the rest of his quotes, I imagine that Carlin was a pacifist, atheist, libertarian. I also get the distinct impression that he thought a lot. Good comedians always do. Good comedians are a way of keeping humanity humble, I think. So much of what we do, the way we think, is truly stupid. We need someone to call us out on it. And the only way for us to get the point is to laugh at ourselves. Comedian Louis CK makes some similar points:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus
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