Humility Born of Struggles: November

I have been holding my head above water. Although the coming of cold often chills my bones, even my heart, this November has left me no time to think of it. I feel more alive than ever. Sometimes, I have as much sunshine in my heart as mid-summer at Black Rock. It is a secret how the sun shines within me, when outwardly the world seems to have gone grey. I feel as though I have been called to rise to the occasion. I have a deep joy in doing so.

A few instances this month have crashed over my head, leaving me sputtering, speechless, and grateful for air. The biggest instance I don't feel free to write about, but here are a few much smaller ones.

• An email from a community member saying my floor's bathroom was not clean. It wasn't. Keeping the students accountable for cleaning has been one of my greatest struggles of the dorm. Many of the students have never been responsible for cleaning in their homes. Moms and maids take care of the cleaning. School is pressing; they don't think about the cleaning until I hound them. No wonder moms become known for nagging. Sure, you can give up the fight and clean it yourself. Total number of people that is helping: 0.

• A parent-teacher conference in which I had to acknowledge to the parents that I was not expecting enough of their son. I was making too many accommodations for his particular disabilities.

• A conversation with another teacher where I had to begin with an apology for being rude. She said she had just been on her way to see me. We sat down and she started by apologizing, telling me that she had been praying for me; she knew how difficult my job was, and the hardship of the first year of teaching. I set my part right, too. We prayed together.

• Many ungraded research papers. It's been three weeks.