Self Revelation

People are afraid of me, overwhelmed by me, for the same reason that they like me, and for the same reason that I can hold the attention of a class: I'm kind of intense. The word came to me a few months ago, as I was thinking about why I feel things so deeply. We use "intense" as a near-insult, or at least I do. So when I found that it applies to me in no uncertain terms, I felt a little down. (Look at that! Not MAJORLY DOWN, but a little down.)

I don't feel that I live in a black and white world, where no shades exist. I'm not either high or low. Sometimes I'm just alright, hanging out. I promise, I know how to just hang out. And little by little, I've learned how to let silence and peace settle around me and in me. But I feel things deeply all the time.

If hanging out with me has to be intense, I hope it's like getting mauled by a Panda Bear: more notable than painful.

A Beautiful Thing

Please tell me this is normal. Have you ever looked around your classroom, and thought, "I love all of these people. Just the way they are, just because they're here, I love them"? This has happened several times in the past few days. I am calling it the honeymoon stage, to which, until recently, I thought I was immune. I've noticed that it primarily happens when the students are quietly following along as we read, or when they're quietly writing. This must be how parents feel when they look in on their sleeping children, and a rush of joy, euphoria, gratitude, and love envelopes them. It's a beautiful thing.

June

It's beautiful: being overcome
by simple exhaustion at the end of a school year.

[Breathe.]

It's beautiful.

Just Right Now

A soft breeze rustles my blinds. Everyone is quiet. My soul is awake. I carry dreams with my fingers. With so much to do do do, is it possible that it is time to be? And to be. and to be...

It smells like rain. Shut down, oh mind, and retire to the place where worries won't plague you and no one will argue. In the morning grace is brand new, you can get it while it's fresh.